Hush, Shush: 3 Things You Must Never, Never Say to Your Bride
There’s not a lot of things in the groom’s plate when planning a wedding. But there’s one important duty you can never not fulfill: keeping your bride from turning into a Bridezilla. You’re supposed to be the partner who consoles, comforts, and encourages. You should be that one remaining positive force in the midst of vendor meeting fails or table napkin design mix-ups. The problem is, a lot of grooms aren’t aware that some of the stuff they casually say are the very things that make their fiancés annoyed and fuming in anger, more than the actual faux pas in the wedding planning. If you want to keep the peace and make your bride happy, try not to say these things as you sort out the details of your big day:
“I don’t care.”
Or another variation of this is a milder, kinder version: “whatever you like.” And indeed, that’s what you mean by this, that you genuinely think the matter you’re discussing isn’t a big deal, that anything is fine with you, any flower arrangement works. But the thing is, your bride may not interpret it that way. Or she won’t have the time and energy to read between the lines, what with all that she’s juggling in this wedding planning. She’ll take your word and believe that you just don’t care. The reason your bride is asking for advice is she genuinely wants to get your advice. Because she cares about what you think. Or she’s struggling to make a decision. So if you say you don’t care, not only is she hurt that you’re unconcerned, she doesn’t know how to move forward. If she then asks you for what you think, speak your mind. Simple as that.
“It’s just tablecloths, honey. No one will notice.”
It’s not just the tablecloths, okay? The colors of the flowers. The arrangement of the candles on the table. The cushion for the seats. These are all minor details. Your bride knows that they are, that they’re not the make-or-break of the event. But you have to understand that she wants things to be perfect. She’s been dreaming about this since she was a little girl. So when she’s fixated about the tablecloths, rather than being impatient and telling her off, extend empathy and help fix it, if necessary. If she needs to choose among so many options for certain details, take her back to your vision board. If she needs to clean out a dot-sized stain at the hem of her dress, drive her to the boutique shop. If she needs to make some minor changes in the ring design, suggest options for custom wedding bands for her. Even in the things people wouldn’t notice, take notice if your bride does. Extend empathy. Take action.
“Stop being so stressed out.”
Your bride has a lot on her plate, so she has every reason to be stressed out right now. You also have to understand that when you tell someone to ‘just chill’, you’re only making them more tensed up, because they feel like you don’t understand them. Rather than telling them to stop stressing, help them stop stressing. Plan a surprise date at a restaurant where you had your first date. No wedding planning matters. No phones. Just you, enjoying your time together. Go out of town for the weekend. Spend a day at the spa. Learn something new together. The bottom line, help your bride de-stress.
No Bridezilla When There’s No Groomzilla
Be very sensitive about the things you tell your bride. Keep the peace while wedding planning by avoiding saying these things and having a positive, uplifting attitude all throughout. Best wishes!